Stream of Unconsciousness

“You don’t know

what you don’t know.”

 

Walking around half awake

with no thought of the other half.

 

Little secrets spoken so soft,

so long ago, even the whisper’s

 

faded into white noise

of unnoticed.

 

There’s always a dark side

of the moon

 

even when it is full of itself.

 

Psalm 139, the hope of being known, the hope of knowing.

“Kicking at the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight.” Bruce Cockburn

Why Write? Asking Again.

It feels good to be up before the day takes on a life of its own. My diligence to pan for words in the shallows, hoping for a few nuggets, has waned. I sought places I shouldn’t have and the purity of writing slipped yet another notch. So I’ve kept the screen closed along with desire and longings.

This morning I read the first chapter of Laura Boggess’ book Playdates with God: Having a Childlike Faith in a Grown-up World. Her words were all about the longings. Words of want and desire before the world out there gets ahold of them. She references Augustine, Pascal, and C. S. Lewis in the first few pages and I headed for the back of the book. It’s what I do before purchasing a book normally. Who authors reference, especially in non-fiction writing, is a deciding factor for me. She did not disappoint.

I closed the book and grabbed the keyboard.

Words do matter. Written, spoken, or sung, words can reach to the broken parts. Words can underline mysteries. Words can carry human people through despair, and fill in the space between one hope and another. Words can express joy.

I have been editing my life with the help of a good counselor, my wife, and our large family. Any writing for the last several months has served as cathartic. My brother texted me recently: Praying for you today. Your pen is quiet. I groaned. I miss sharing with the world, yet this passion for writing is once again under the microscope, (any serious writer is nodding their head right now in empathy) and motives are suspect.

Writing is a heart issue, a spiritual issue, a ‘calling’ issue for me and many writers. I think of the first sentence of John’s gospel. “In the beginning was the Word…” The Genesis account documents God speaking (with words) and the material world coming into being. If words are important to God, well then, they should be handled with care.

This is a restart of sorts. I will put my fingers to the plow again for the world. It will be a stutter step engagement for a while as I continue to work through heart issues. More cathartic cloistered thoughts will be written than clicked out into the cyber world for now.

My desire is put so aptly in a haiku by my friend and comrade in writing Peter Dehaan.

Why I Write

Linking letters

wielding words to create art

for God, my patron

 

I am so grateful for the writers who fought through the dregs, bogs, quicksand of personal issues, and ‘oh, the humanity’ to share with the world. Thank you Laura Boggess. Thank you Peter DeHaan. Thank you God for the ability to read and write.

 

The haiku shared with permission by the author. It is also published in Imagine This, An Artprize Anthology.

You can find out more about Laura Boggess at lauraboggess.com.

You can find Peter DeHaan at  http://peterdehaan.com/blog/