God, Human People, and the Paralysis of Blame.

I keep telling Barbara to focus on one thing at a time while maintaining the big picture in the peripheral. I found it nearly impossible to do either separately or melded together like peanut butter and jelly. There are many many things on which to focus in this village we call home.

We attended church and I wouldn’t engage. God has been a thorn. Sorry God, I know it isn’t your fault. If it was your fault, you wouldn’t be a very desirable God now would you? What isn’t? What is the ‘it’ of ‘it’ all?

“Life is difficult,” as M. Scott Peck said. Agreed.

Some would pinpoint their fingers at the free will, free fallin’ humans who choose and choose and choose. I choose. You choose. They choose. All the bad choices in the world, of the world, and by the world. The free falling humans aren’t the first choice of blame though. The fingers point up to the Invisible God first it seems.

God. You have been lost. Not because you have run away to hide (Which is the reason that floats in the back of my mind), but because I have lost sight of you. Eye have. Even as you prove yourself over and over to me, the miracles you place in my way every day, I see, hear, smell, taste, and touch with little more than a glance into the invisible faith in and of You.

“Without faith it is impossible to please God.” Hebrews 11:6

I had a dream the other night that I was standing at an Alter. I looked up to a person holding out one hand. “Would you like to come and surrender to God?”

“Yes! Yes!” I knelt and wept uncontrollably, as I have done before without thinking of the circled pattern of my spiritual state over the years. Trust poured over me, in me, through me. “Whom have I in heaven but Thee?” I didn’t feel the need to push my fingers in His hands or thrust my hand into His side. My doubting Thomas lay sleeping within the dream. I told the dream to Barbara on the way to church. She asked me how I felt about it and I said it was just a dream. Then church. Then stubbornness. Then distrust.

God really isn’t to blame. Neither are the human people within any given church (which is another reason I have shut down in stubborn pouting). In the end, blame isn’t the ultimate cauterization of rips and tears in the soul. Blame only keeps the wounds open, even the self- inflicted kind, of which there are many.

“Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Jesus

Forgive. Forgiveness. Forgiven. Thank God!

Do you ever get stubborn? Do you ever lack faith and forgiveness? How have you found your way out?

Comments

  1. Jerry,
    Being stubborn? Yes, many times. I learned, the hard way, that my way only leads to heartbreak. God’s way is always the best.

    God bless,
    Wanda

  2. Stubborn, hard hearted, deceitful, srlfish. And yet David was called a man after God’s own heart…and you know how he was. A poet who wrote it down. He kept turning back to God.

    • David is an anomaly. I suppose I will keep writing things down.

      • Peter, Paul, Jonah, Elijah, Abraham, Jacob, Moses, etc., etc. God caused the events in the lives of these men to be written down, both for our warning and our encouragement. Don’t give up, Jerry.

      • Thank God He put so many imperfect people in the biblical narrative. That staves off the arrogance I often rest on thinking I am the only stubborn flake.

  3. rocksand5 says:

    Stubborn, I’m surprised my name isn’t in the dictionary as its main definition! I’m the queen of stubborn. Want an example? It’s 11th Street, NOT Eleventh Street!
    Seriously though, I just ask myself when I’m feeling distrustful towards God; “What would I say to someone I loved who was having the exact same problem?” Then I ask God for the grace to say that very thing to myself. I usually know what to do or say, I just lack the self-love to listen and apply it.

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