Mother Nature!

Everyone is talking about Mother Nature as if she isn’t in the room. The wonder of lilting, lumbering flakes floating down from distended clouds lost their seasonal charm months ago. Shoveling and trudging are the relational terms which connect me with winter now. I am sick of it and yet…

Winter’s metaphorical inferences have served me well. As if God sent Mother Nature on an errand to let fall the white pixy dust until I cry Uncle.

The bitter cold had me referencing my mother on a daily basis.

“Are you staying warm?”

“Yes, my mother dressed me today. Just don’t tell her I lost the mittens with the string between them…too humiliating.”

Did I mention how cold it’s been? I mean if I wanted to live in Fargo I would have moved there.

It’s been so cold my marrow is like a smoothie barely being sucked through my straw bones.

I have relatives who live in the St. Paul area. They’re nuts. I’m sorry Barb, Pete, and families but I’ll visit when the frost melts…mid-July.

Oh winter of my discontent I am sorry for my whining and grumbling when teachers, students, and government officials were granted snow days so they could sit at home and order books from Amazon while I scaled drifts to ring their doorbells. UPS had one snow day for some of the drivers…only because St. Joe County declared an emergency and would ticket anyone out driving in it.

Old Man Winter set aside his walker and cane and danced all around us in a dervish. He and Mother Nature worked the dance floor like Beauty and the Beast. I only wished I was back in Jr. High standing against the wall, not out under disco ball slipping around awkwardly.

Today the temp will reach forty they say. The meteorologists say. They have had their say. They said their say and I’m sayin’ they better say spring is about to say something.

Can I put you down for a t-shirt? Two choices.

#1. My _____ survived the winter of 2013-14 and all I got was this 100% cotton 3000 count turtle neck.

#2. I survived the winter of 2013-14 and I bought these three long-sleeve turtle necks I am wearing.

(There is a story behind the title ‘Mother Nature.’ An old neighbor had an epithet abuse problem and sometimes he would, let’s say, hit his thumb with a hammer on accident. My children playing outside heard the booming voice as if it came down from the heavens. I swear his voice could carry to the next county. I wondered if my children thought that God used naughty words. Anyway one day my neighbor was working and my children were playing in the front yard in view of this megaphone man. He again dropped something, broke something, or hurt himself and after a brief pause bellowed out “Mother Nature!” We sometimes use his endearing phrase of frustration with all due respect.)

... Abbot John reiterates Hsu Yun's warning to a ball that is definitely trying to penetrate the cup.


  1. I love Mother Nature, albeit more in the Summer than in the Winter – especially this one!

  2. I love this! Shared on Twitter. And you’d better bet next time I slam my finger with a hammer, I’m going to yell, MOTHER NATURE!

  3. i know what you’re sayin.

  4. Ellen DeVries says:

    After I renentered this warm house after knocking icicles from the downspouts to clear a path when this stuff starts to melt, I checked my email and found this VERY apt article. At least you have many helping hands when you need to clear the stuff. WE ARE SICK OF SNOW, yes!!! I love you and have been praying for your safety on your route. I have seen other UPS and FEDX vehicles driving by and have said prayers for their safety also. Date: Fri, 7 Mar 2014 13:09:59 +0000 To:

  5. Great post, Jerry. The wonder of lilting, lumbering flakes floating down from distended clouds lost their seasonal charm months ago. Many can relate to your words.

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